It has been a downward spiral for quite a while now, but I thought I would attempt to pen my thoughts and feelings down so that I have an outlet for myself.
The long-suffering hubs had been at the brunt of my rants for the past 4 years (that is if I count the official school-going/primary school years). Then, he was on a break in-between jobs. That was when Y was in the later half of her Kindergarten 2 year, and we had quite a fair bit of family time together. He found work to pay the bills later, and I started my obsession with monitoring Y's academics, you know, just like how everyone expects a SAHM to be doing. Y was well-trained by her pre-school teachers and was one of the darlings of her class, so we had enjoyable "teachable" moments for her first year of primary school. Plus, having both parents at home after you finish school at 1.30pm, makes it pretty hard to be "naughty". But even then, we had our fair share of days when voices were raised, crying sessions starts, time is spent persuading and reasoning with Y, and then repeat...
By the end of P2, Y had some unpleasant incidents in school, and started being a bit more withdrawn, less smiley and cheery. She did well enough at the end of P2 to get a bursary, so I thought I could let her be more independent in her own learning at home. The other reason was also because I was getting nowhere trying to coach her. She would chase me out of her room when I wanted to go through her academic materials with her, saying she will read/study on her own, and let me know when she needed help. But all she was doing was playing/reading comics in the comfort of her aircon room.
To cut a long story short (and also cos I'm not quite ready to share those dirty bits of laundry yet), we have come to the current situation where barbs are traded daily, and I find myself doing things I should't be doing, and hating myself after...I try to console myself by saying that it is the effect of nagging every day/hour/minute after mundane things Y does that get on my nerves; strewing dirty uniform/laundry over the house, uneaten recess/lunch contents not disposed off properly, taking 30-40min long showers, snacking while reading, bugging for electronics etc. But when I look back and think that these are the result of not building disciplined habits in her from young, I can only hang my head in shame.
But for the sake of my sanity, I will start ranting, so please bear with me.
